“Father absence” is a term you hear often. Usually it refers to the father being absent from the same household where the child lives. For example, “Children in father-absent homes are five times more likely to be poor. In 2002, 7.8 percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared with 38.4 percent of children in female-householder families.”
But a father not living in the same household as the child does not mean the father is absent from the child’s life. In fact, much of our work at MFFN and in the fatherhood field is to say loud and clear, that a father not living in the home does not make him an “absent father”, invisible, or unimportant, even though our society often treats him that way.
Drawing attention to the importance of fathers by using “father-absent” terms can do a disservice to both fathers AND mothers. It fails to recognize the important role that fathers can play when they aren’t living in the home, and it often leads to blaming or shaming of single-female headed households. And we know that is not what many intend.
What most of us intend is to support fathers, no matter where they live or their family form. We want fathers to be supported in being healthy, active and involved fathers because they raise healthy children, build healthy families and contribute to healthy communities. We can recognize that it is usually easier to be a healthy, active presence in a child’s life when you are able to live in the same home every day as your child while simultaneously trying to make it easier to support fathers who don’t live with their children every day. Finally, we can–and should– support better systems, services and public policies for both types of fathers.
So, next time you hear the term “father absence” think: absent from what? A physical structure? Or a child’s life? Let’s not perpetuate the idea that the only way a father matters is by living in the same home as his child.